


I Would

by SirLadySketch, Sketch (SirLadySketch)



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Minor lore inconsistencies since this was written immediately after KH2's release, POV First Person, Sora is mentioned too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-24
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-08 20:15:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13465734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirLadySketch/pseuds/SirLadySketch, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirLadySketch/pseuds/Sketch
Summary: Axel ponders what it means to be a Nobody. (Repost from ff.net)





	I Would

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on fanfic dot net waaaaaaaaaaay back in the day when KH2 first came out. One of the first Kingdom Hearts fanfics I ever wrote, and still one of my favorites to date. There are some minor lore discrepancies given updates from later games, but I've left them in because they're not *too* earth-shattering. The fic is more or less intact from when I first wrote it. 
> 
> I'd been debating posting it or not for a while, but after rediscovering and rereading it tonight, I figured I'd post it here, too. 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

You know, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Not that I’m really supposed to, of course. Xenmas is always getting on us about not thinking and just doing, but you know, you stick around long enough and you just can’t help but start to ponder the deeper meanings in things, you know?

Mostly, I’ve been thinking about life.

Well, ok, not really _life_ , but existence in general, because, really, what does it mean to be alive? Are you only alive if you have a heart? Or is it the consciousness that makes us who we are that makes us “real”? It’s the age-old tree falling in the woods question, but that’s not usually life or death. Well, maybe for the tree it is, and any flora and fauna that happen to be in the way of the falling trunk, but I mean for us. You hear the tree, you don’t, life goes on. But the heart? You have a heart you exist, but if you don’t, you’re nothing? I’m someone, same as you. I just happen to be nobody in particular. A nobody.

Which again, is kinda funny when you think about it, because I do have a body. Or a corporeal form of some sort. Does that make me someone, even though I’m technically not? Yeah, maybe Xenmas was right; maybe I do think too much.

You know, I blame all this thinking on him. I was a happy-go-lucky member of the organization, keeping my head down, doing what I was told and “living” a fairly blithe existence. But then that kid came along, and all that conspiracy started up, just to get an oversized house key. Unreal, you know? And when I actually met Roxas, well… I realized then that it didn’t really matter what happened later, the here and now was what was important.

Well, ok, maybe not right away—he had some choice words when we first met, and it took a while to get the kid to warm up. But I like to think that he came to appreciate me being there. I know I certainly enjoyed the time we spent together – the kid brother I never had, you know? Or, that is, if I had a kid brother, the one I can’t remember anymore, being a nobody and everything. Or…. Nevermind, I’m confusing myself. Anyway, the kid made me think, wonder about who I was before, and wonder who I would be in the future, if I actually had a future.

I think we all knew that we didn’t. Have a future, that is. After all, when you go around calling yourself “nobody,” you’re not really setting your expectations very high, are you? Except for him. It all keeps coming back to him, I know, but there’s a reason, really. I thinking it’s just that he was different from us. He didn’t know whose nobody he was, but we did. He never worried about the darkness coming to reclaim him totally, he just grinned and dared you further as he kept plowing ahead. He never looked back to make sure you were following, he just knew you would. And you knew you’d follow him, too, so why sweat the small stuff?

So when I saw him again, the kid who was Roxas but not Roxas, I hated him. Sora took away the only thing that ever made me feel close to human… and I hated him for taking that one warmth and happiness from me. Take my best friend—my only friend, even—then pretend he didn’t exist? Like it or not, Roxas grew to be his own self—the nobody who was somebody. Nobody seems to want to acknowledge it, but he became his own person. Somebody important. Not just for the keyblade… but because he was just himself. I like to think that I could forgive Sora, because he seems like a great kid, a lot like Roxas even, but… I can’t.

Or maybe I just can’t forgive Roxas for leaving. He knew he wouldn’t come back when he left. His defeat over Riku the first time might have made him lower his guard a little, made him cocky and vulnerable, but maybe not. Riku’s accusations and demands for him to return to Sora’s body shook him, and I think that he knew at that point that he was different. He became so cold, so distant, so… heartless, pardon the pun. But I think that was just to cover up the fact that he was scared. Scared of finding out who he really was, and what he would become. And what would become of him. Would he be forgotten, once Sora had awoken?

I shouted at him that I would miss him and I would. I do, and I always will. But I also know that if it comes to helping out Sora on his last mission, I’ll give up what’s left of my existence to help him. I might be nobody important, a nobody that doesn’t even technically exist, a nobody without a heart, but that will be the beauty of it, don’t you see? A nobody, giving up the existence he doesn’t technically have, because the heart he technically doesn’t have tells him it’s the right thing to do. I wouldn’t even be trying to make a point, which would make the act all the more noble. I’d just be doing it for _him_ , and that would be enough. Poetic justice at its finest—if darkest—hour, and that suits me just fine. I was never really one for the light, anyway.

And really, if you think about it, I’ll always be remembered, so I’ll always exist in a way. Roxas can keep me in his newly regained heart, and that’ll be enough for me. He’ll remember me, and my existence—or lack thereof—won’t be quite so meaningless. Who wouldn’t gladly give up their life to help out their best friend? Who wouldn’t want to get one last chance to say goodbye, and let them know that you’d give your all to give them a hand? Who wouldn’t sacrifice everything in the name of love and friendship?

I know I would.


End file.
